whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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