What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
