I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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