this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
