I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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