Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
