I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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