Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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