Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
