i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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