No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
