Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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