it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
