and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My vagina is very pro this idea
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
