accomplished twins. life is a go
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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