Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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