when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
