I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
