I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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