I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
