I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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