I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
