Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
