the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
