Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
