I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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