the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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