I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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