SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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