I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Pants are for mortals
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
