I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize