You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
