so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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