I showed him my bush... on skype.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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