The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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