unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
me + whiskey = a bad person
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
