I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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