Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
