I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
