I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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