Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I would fuck him just for his dog
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
