Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
