I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
