I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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