Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize