My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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