He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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