dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
