he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
