I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
