Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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