just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
