i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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