but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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