My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
