So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My ass is underappreciated
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
