im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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