I'm passing your future prison.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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