she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
