i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
