PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
