I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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