My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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