i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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