you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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