hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
