I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
