people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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