Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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