She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
